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09:23:2004

Award

Thumptruck Refutes "It's All the Same Person" Claims

Today Thumptruck Records dismissed statements by the press that the myriad of bands found on Thumptruck Records are in fact "bands" - false groups created by a very small group of individuals for their own personal enjoyment.

"It's absolute nonsense, of course," sighs CEO Johnson Offbroadway. "All of our musical acts are unique, self-contained groups comprised of different artists. It's absurd to claim that two or three people could produce music ranging from folk to hip hop, even if it is really bad music."

The London Times, always a critic of Thumptruck and its artists, printed an article in its Sunday edition detailing allegations of Thumptruck's intentional "mislabeling of band names to create a sense of granduer in its [recording] catalog." These allegations arose shortly after Thumptruck was granted the prestigious R.I.A.A.M.A. award.

"I shouldn't have even accepted the award. We thought it was a joke so I joked about it. Truthfully though, it's not like I can bring back the San Juan Experience so that you can see for yourself they're not The Homegrown Band. Those guys are dead so there's no way to prove anything," retorts Offbroadway. As for the strange reoccurance of certain songs among Thumptruck bands, Offbroadway had this to say, "Sure, some of them played the same songs. They all lived in the same double-wide trailer for years, didn't they?"

09:22:2004

Thumptruck Records Awarded Highest Industry Honor

Award

For the fourth year in a row, Thumptruck Records has been awarded the "Coolest Record Company That's Not Real but Pretends to Be Real" Award from R.I.A.A.M.A. This prestigious award has been bestowed upon Thumptruck for excellence in the recording industry and Thumptruck is honored to place it in it's full-to-the-gills trophy case.

"We're pretending to be excited about the award. And all of our pretend artists are pretending to be jumping for joy. Now they're pretending to shoot smack while drinking champagne off of a centerfold's breasts!" exclaims proud Thumptruck CEO Johnson Offbroadway. "We couldn't be happier."

The award comes at a critical time for Thumptruck since falling and flailing sales all across the record industry spell trouble for most of the industry's giants. Thumptruck is confident that it's stable of imaginary artists will keep their business afloat. "We're not worried at all," Offbroadway says, "Now our pretend artists are pretending to throw pretend television sets off the pretend balconies!"